Marriage Customs Of The Malays

The activities that take place during a Malay wedding come from the diverse cultural traditions –indigenous, Hindu and Islamic–that have together served to shape traditional Malay culture. The numerous activities constitute a Malay wedding may be conveniently be divided into three groups representing three stages.

The first group of activities, all of which precede the actual wedding ceremony, consist of:

(a) The investigation (merisik).

When it is time for a young man to get married his family will look around to identify a number of potential candidates. Having decided upon one particular young lady, then, the 'merisik' of investigation process takes place. For this ceremony one or more representatives (wakil) of the young man’s family will pay a friendly visit to the family of the young woman whom they have in mind as his potential bride. The visit is purely for the purpose of further investigation. Its allows the visitors to see the young lady. A hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the visit, and their reaction will be assessed. The girl’s parents may also give the visitors some idea as to whether or not their daughter will be interested in the match. The 'merisik' does not constitute a formal proposal. Following the visit both sides can begin to think more seriously about the possibility or otherwise of the union. It is possible that no progress may take place, and the young man’s parents or representatives will then look for another possible candidate.

(b) The engagement or approach to formulate the arrangement (meminang)

Once agreement for the marriage has been reached between the families of the potential bride and the potential bridegroom, preparations for engagement (meminang) take place. Representatives from the young man’s side once again visit the house of the young woman, following the confirmation of a date and time for such a visit.

(c) The 'hantaran' or the sending of gifts and part of the amount of money (wang belanja) for expenses (wang belanja) which the boy’s family give to the girl’s side that will be incurred by the girl’s family.

The 'wang belanja' is usually an amount of several thousand ringgit. It is different from the dowry (mas kahwin) which is also paid by the man to his future wife. The amount of the mas kahwin is usually fixed by the Islamic Religious Council in each state, but a potential bridegroom may give any amount above the official figure.

The second group of activities consists of the actual marriage ceremony (akad nikah) and (berinai), while the third group of activities consists of 'berarak'or arriving in procession, sitting on a decorated dias ( bersanding and the welcoming of the married couple to the bride’s house ( sambut menantu).